Hey Buddy. Good to see you again. I always know it's you, with the rusty gold pickup that has the confederate front plate and the Punisher decal on the back window. Cool.
Haven't seen you in awhile...last time I saw you was in the gym. You and your buddies were standing around the free weights. I don't remember you lifting them very much, but you looked intense, and I'm sure that those Tapout shirts with the cutoff sleeves made you feel really ripped.
That was awhile ago, though. Looks like you are spending less time at the gym, more time at the Golden Corral. I know, I know...it's hard to put in as much time working out when you're trying to support three different kids with two different women. And yeah, what about that other girl you're with now? Isn't she pregnant? Man, you gotta be busy.
My brother went by your folks' house the other night because he had heard that you moved back in. He told me that he loves what they've done with the place, with the giant TRUMP flag flowing in the breeze just under Old Glory. He went around back to see if you were around but the dogs went crazy, and decided it wans't worth it. Was that your refrigerator in the yard? He couldn't tell, there was so much stuff out there. Your neighbor stared him down as he stood on the porch with a beer in his hand; after smoking a few more in his car he finally decided that he'd talk to you another time.
Speaking of beer, I heard that you got that second DUI. That really stinks, man. Don't the cops know that guys like you just want to have a good time? And your boss...man, I can't believe that you got fired from the machine shop. I mean, I know they said that they don't want people handling sharp objects that can't handle their beer. But that was a good job. It just ain't right that they hired some hispanic guy to steal your job away.
But I heard Taco Bell isn't the worst place to work, as long as you don't mind smelling like grease and sweat all the time for minimum wage. I know that we're still trying hard to MAGA, but it's not easy with all these dadgum liberals taking away our rights.
Hey, you heard about Billy, right? Darn shame, how he blew off part of his hand while messing around with his Glock 19. Good thing he has the right to bear arms still, no matter what those liberals say. We're gonna have a fundraiser to pay for his $30,000 in medical bills because the dude didn't have insurance. He told me that no way was he gonna have that stupid socialized Obamacare. I don't have it either, so I hope that I don't get hurt but guys like you and me, we're invincible! We're never gonna have that problem!
Good to see you, dude. Thanks for coming by to see me. I get out in another 185 days. My woman said she isn't gonna take me back, she keeps saying something about 'Hashtag Me Two' but I don't know if that's some kinda military thing. At least she's still got her guns, even though they're actually mine. I should know, I blew a hole in her wall when I thought she was cheating and I was only trying to show her how much I love her.
Stay strong. MAGA!
