Abishag the Shunammite, 3000 years later (pt. 1)

Now King David was old and advanced in years. And although they covered him with clothes, he could not get warm. Therefore his servants said to him, "Let a young woman be sought for my lord the king, and let her wait on the king and be in his service. Let her lie in your arms, that my lord the king may be warm." So they sought for a beautiful young woman throughout all the territory of Israel, and found Abishag the Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The young woman was very beautiful, and she was of service to the king and attended to him, but the king knew her not. - 1 Kings 1:1-4 ESV

And Abishag the Shunammite found herself wandering the halls of power.  Once she had been just another bubbly blonde on the local cable TV channel, until the day in which she found herself discovered by the king.  "Oh, I love the King!  He makes my life worth living.  I will follow him all of my days!" was the nightly cry of Abishag the Shunammite.  The king soon hired her away and put her into his service.  Paid a small ransom each month, most of her money went towards making herself attractive to her lord.  "You are my everything" she would write to him in small notes each day.  "You are the greatest king of all time, and will be greater than anybody else that will come, though I cannot imagine the universe continuing without you!"

Day by day Abishag the Shunammite continued to wedge herself into the old king's life.  Her need to be so close to him meant that she would run behind his golf chariot in high heels, and though she was told that there was no room in the limocart taking him back to Mara Slago, she crawled into the trunk to ensure that she could stay near.  "My life was incomplete until I met the King.  Even if I have no other life now, I at least can devote myself to him."  

Her influence continued to increase.  One day while fawning at her lord, she smelled something distasteful.  The old king has pooped his pants right before a important meeting with the Egyptian pharaoh; his constant diet of fried chicken and diet Coke had finally corrupted his digestive system.  How embarrassing, everybody might think.  But Abishag the Shunammite knew that one day this would happen.  In the suitcase she carried around like a sherpa was another wardrobe for the old king.  She quickly pulled him into the bathroom and quickly took off his stained garments.  She wiped the waste from his body, sprayed his body down with Fabreze, and diapered him back up in a matter of moments.  She then dressed him in an identical blue robe with a matching red turban, and got him back to his meeting on time.  "What would the world be without the brilliance of my lord?  I am his willing and faithful slave."

Oh, the goodness of Abishag the Shunammite, so ready to serve the interests of the king!  May she be praised!  

That Was Unexpected...

In my last post I talked about a vehicle I would see coming into the middle school parking lot every morning with a lot of stupid and marginally offensive bumper stickers.  The point of them was that Trump Is My Daddy and I Hate Liberals.  I fantasized about plowing into the back of the vehicle to take out the bumper stickers.  

So...a few days later I had a few minutes before my afternoon route from the time I filled up my bus and when I had to get to the school for afternoon pickup.  I stopped at the parking lot across from the gas station and was walking over to get a Dr Pepper, when who should pull up aside me but the Trump Woman and her horrible billboard?  "Are you a bus driver?  I wanted to stop and say thank you for all your hard work driving these kids.  My father was a bus driver, and I know how hard it can be."  And then she drove off.  

I gotta confess, I was not expecting that.  Over a year of fantasizing about plowing through the back of a car, and now the driver of that car that projects such hostility and rage speaks a word of kindness.  Who would have thought that was coming?  

I suppose the answer is the old cliche, that you can't judge a book by its cover.  Of course, if the book has a cover of a bloody robot destroying a handful of newborn kittens, you're not going to expect it to be a love of story.  How does somebody who intentionally promotes herself as a person of such rage then turn out to be a not-so-bad person of kindness?  

Maybe it's a lesson that shows the importance of being consistent in our words and deeds.  Because, for all I know, she might have driven off from me to go to a Trump rally that night or drive through the streets of our town looking for people of color to report to ICE.  I still see that vehicle almost every day and though I know she had a moment of kindness, I still don't trust her.  It only takes a moment to speak a kind word; it takes thought and consideration to put up that many terrible bumper stickers.  She might well be a nice person at times...but her soul is likely still dark as night.  

Middle School Pickup Line Dreams

There's an SUV I see leaving the middle school almost everyday.  It's a fully MAGA-approved vehicle, with a bumper sticker for almost every grievance.  The sticker that stands out the most identifies the driver as Christian.  Conservative.  Straight.  It then follows with a question about whether anybody is offended about this.  More than a few of the stickers use a lot of vulgar language about the intelligence of liberals or socialists or whatever else the owner heard about at some Trump rally.  There's also a big sticker with a hot cartoon blonde holding a beer and screaming Trump Woman.  I've seen the driver...definitely not hot.  But my favorite sticker goes something like, "If after the last year of Joe Biden's sh*tshow you still want to hate Trump, you're a f*cking moron."  Since I've seen that on there now for at least the last two years, I'd be curious to get her take on the last 18 months of the Trump administration's accomplishments.  

As I get stopped at the light right behind her in my giant middle school bus I sometimes dream about the trouble I might get in if I should happen to rear end the SUV and destroy all her precious, precious stickers.  The schadenfreude I might get from doing so probably isn't worth the scratches on my bumper or especially the chewing out I might get from my boss.  But most importantly, I'm not going to do this because I suppose we all need to realize that there's still that 38% or so of Americans who still can't see clearly.  Were they wholly cowed at the foolishness they have driven into maybe we'd forget that they they are there, and even here in Red State America the number of red hats and blue Trump flags (with the requisite "F*CK YOUR FEELINGS!" subtitle) seem to have diminished.  But they're still here, and that's important to keep in mind.  

I suppose I am offended, to her delight, at these stickers.  But not how she might imagine: So here's a woman who thinks of herself a Christian.  Probably loves the idea of Christian nationalism.  Thinks that Trumpy and his administration are doing God's work.  Should I see her SUV parked at Wal-Mart, I'd be tempted to put a note on it.  "So, you're a Christian?  Sorry, I didn't realize that the definition of Christianity has changed, whereby crass vulgarity, a delight in ticking people off, and worshipping an orange deity moved to the top of the creed.  Just wondering how on earth you create the 'Biblical' worldview that's shown on the back of your vehicle.  But hey, I'm sure that in your mind you feel assured in your holiness by the hour you spend at church every six weeks or so.  Good job, I'm sure you are creating the fruit of the Spirit everywhere you go, and I'm sure that you're going to be reaching your friends and neighbors for Jesus, even if it's not the Jesus we read about in Scripture.  Again...thumbs up!  Have a blessed day."

I don't know what to think about our country anymore, but the most depressing thing about it is the downfall of the Christian witness everywhere you look.  I used to think that we were about a half-century behind western Europe in our dismantling of a Christian worldview, but I think we've gone down a very different course, thinking we are yet Christian when in fact those things that some count as Christian are completely and wholly unChristian.  Sometimes I see much different bumper stickers with genuine Christian witness, but even then I am increasingly suspicious about how genuine their faith is.  And am I any better?  Does my contempt for my fellow believer show just how far we have all gone wrong?  

Maybe I won't be the one who rams into the SUV.  Traffic has gotten far worse in front of the school, and it would be a cryin' shame for somebody to wreck all that sweet, sweet hatred.

Pre-Grieving

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:34 ESV

At the end of this calendar year I will re-purpose (OK, retire) away from full-time preaching.  In less than three weeks my youngest child will be heading off to college.  I fully expect a call in the next few months that one of my aged, increasingly frail parents will have fallen or have had some kind of medical emergency or have even passed away in their sleep.  And I am increasingly convinced that this year, the 250 year anniversary of the Grand Republic, may be one of its last.  

I've still got a few months to preach.  I am trying to enjoy my son before he abandons us to become a College Man.  I am grateful my parents are still living, and maybe I'm completely wrong about our nation's future, that Dimwit Donnie is just a blip in our nation's history before we finally wake up and realize the damage he and his minions are doing.  

But this year has been one that, if somebody someday decides to write my autobiography, will be titled 'The Year of Pre-Grieving'.  Even as our Lord has told us to not be anxious about what is coming, that each day has enough garbage in it, I'm already starting to deal with the struggles that I know will be coming soon.  

The classic five stages of grief are usually defined by denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And so given that this summer has found me a bit sad quite often, I wonder if I've already been jumping the gun on the grieving that I will be doing for all of these things.  I've been truly angry about where our country is going.  Part of me is in a kind of self-denial that come the end of December I won't be standing before a captive audience several times a week.  Have I bargained a little bit about my son leaving, questioning whether he really wants to major in what he has said or wondering whether or not he'll really like it there and transfer back to somewhere closer within a year?  Am I even accepting that my parents will die having lived a good old age, since I have seen so many others do much the same thing through my years of working with elderly people?  

I suppose that my purpose in writing this today is to deal with some of the depression I've been facing.  I don't know that it's clinical, and I know that it's not debilitating.  Throughout life I've found certain little coping mechanisms; as a younger man I had a punching bag and a pair of gloves that allowed me to take out my frustrations; in recent years I have rediscovered video games, mostly driving and puzzle games that I can pop into for 20-30 minutes at a time.  But in recent weeks I've found how much I love an early morning walk where I get to clear my head and get ready for the day.  Most mornings I walk around 45 minutes through the streets of our town.  I see some of my neighbors doing much the same; do they struggle with their own sense of the future?  

Perhaps starting to cope with the things that are going to come will be of benefit to me.  Like checking in to an appointment or a flight the day before, pre-grieving has this way of watering down the annoyances of grief that are to come.  I've never been much of a procrastinator, as I try to get stuff done ahead of time...and maybe that's what I'm doing with the future griefs that are certain to come.  Who knows whether or not this is a good idea, but it's what I do.  

You CAN Fight City Hall (and their quasi-official subcontractors)

I accept that there are expenses of living in this modern life.  A toll on a turnpike that means it stays maintained?  OK.  A tax levy in our school district to make sure the buildings are secure?  Fine.  

And so I wasn't all that bothered when we were in downtown Kansas City the other night for a soccer game and saw that we would be paying a parking fee.  It was at 16th & Main, right along the tramway that would take us (for free) to the game.  I got a spot right in front of a payment kiosk; $9.25 to get us through the evening on a Friday night?  Whatever.  It's a tenth of the cost of the same spot in New York City.  

So we come back from the game and there's a ticket on the car.  I get back to my in-laws and look up the information (the ticket is nothing more than a 9-digit number and a QR code) and find that the ticket was issued at 5:48pm...6 MINUTES after I had parked the car.  Yep, there's a photo of our license plate and the spot in the broad daylight where I had parked.  Luckily I had saved the text that served as a copy of my reciept, so I emailed the information (kiosk number, tag number, time, etc.).  What followed Saturday morning was a series of emails between me and an AI server.  First, they couldn't find the information of our payment.  Second, they couldn't read the screenshots I had sent them proving we had paid.  After about a half-dozen back and forths I gave up, deciding to wait until Monday when real live human beings might be back on duty.  

So today was that Monday, and I once again started up and got what might have been a real person who continued to say that nothing had been paid.  Eventually, after a few more emails, it started to become clear that the kiosk that was three feet from my car was not actually the kiosk for that lot, which was a private lot.  Rather, it was the kiosk for anybody foolish enough to park on the street (and so be in danger of getting hit by the streetcars or other traffic).  On some level the agent for the private company I was dealing with that handles tickets on this lot saw the problem, and he/she/it bumped us down from $79.25 to $31.25.  That was something, I guess, but I am the angry consumer, and I decided to keep going.  

I went onto Google maps and found a street view shot of exactly where I'd been.  In that photo there was a white Toyota truck, and three feet away, a kiosk that had in huge letters PAY HERE.  I finally had the smoking gun. "Do you see where the white toyota truck is in this image from google maps?  That's where I parked.  And see the brown parking meter right in front of the truck?  That's where I paid."  Evidently they realized just how unjust this was, and email #19 finally came back and said that they were dismissing this ticket.  I fought the law (private company edition) and actually won!  In this life there are little victories we have to celebrate, and though I likely spent more than $79 of my time on this inconvenience, I'll take it.  I closed by thanking the nameless person who helped and then gave the advice that they really needed to look into this problem, because I'm not the first person on Google reviews who has had this problem.  

Maybe it's not the most inspirational story (my son wasn't as enthused as I was), but in these days in which Trump makes everything turn to garbage, it's nice having some good news.