At the beginning of the month I announced to our little congregation that I would be 'repurposing' by the end of the year. After 21 years of full-time ministry, I've decided to step away. I don't like the term resigning at all, nor is this retirement. I will keep on driving my school bus and will also find something else to do within the school district. But as for being 'the preacher', my days of finding much of identity as that are coming to an end.
When I first began 31 years ago as a campus minister, I was filled with ideas and knowledge and energy. I still have the first two, but perhaps energy has been replaced by a much more humble spirit. I learned a long time ago that ministry is hard, because it's a calling. Not everybody can do it. I liken it to trying to move a large piece of furniture across a room without breaking it or damaging the surroudings or hurting yourself. Even in a small, relatively unified and loving church where I've been for the past 21 years, it's not at all been easy to try to keep together a group of people on the same page. We've lost some people along the way who disagreed with my understandings on things or disliked me or disliked what we were trying to do or saw a shiny new church the next town over. I'd like to think that I've been faithful in my ministry, though as I look back I see a lot of things that I've not been good at. Maybe this is why it's time to leave...in 2026, I'm not sure I have the proper kind of giftedness for doing ministry. Can I still preach? Yes. Do I still believe in the truth of the gospel? Absolutely. But being 'the preacher'? I'm stepping away from being the preacher because I'm increasingly convinced that this is no longer what I'm called to do.
I remember at the beginning of my ministry encountering older ministers (ie, guys who then were the same age I am now) and often seeing within many of them a spirit where they might well have been trying, but maybe more seeing what they did as a job than a calling. I always thought it kinda sad to see this. Maybe it's burnout after years of pushing the boulder up a hill only to watch it go back down. Maybe it's fear of not knowing what else to do. Maybe it's even a heart that has grown cold and has little more than a desire to hang on to a steady paycheck until retirement comes. I had told myself back in those good-hearted days that if I ever got like that in ministry, I'd do something else.
And then over the course of several months, about a year ago, I realized that I had become that old minister. I still love our people, and I believe that my preaching is still truthful and (at times) powerful, convciting, and of the Spirit. But I found myself wondering, is this what I'm called to do? I sat with this feeling for almost a year. I talked with my wife, my parents, and a few trusted friends.
Finally I decided it was time. But it's not been easy...when's the right time to tell people you love that you are leaving? But when I did, people have continued to love me and support me and my family. One of the greatest blessings I have experienced is that that genuine and practiced love has been shown from the church all the years I have been here. I know so many preachers and ministers who quit because they or their families were abused by churches. I've never felt like that. And after I announced what I did, the love continued. People have told me they understand because they recognize doing anything for 31 years is a long time. Or they are sad, because I may be the only preacher they have known or liked, or the only church leader who didn't judge them or bully them. A few may even wonder whether I will starve...can that guy do anything besides make speeches a few times a week or chat with the old ladies or hum hymns by the copier machine all day? But nobody has begged me to stay, either. I think most people instinctively know that it was time, maybe even before I did.
Of course, the question now gets asked...what's next for the church? We've started having some meetings about what we need to be doing. I gave a list of options in the first meeting from hiring a new preacher to reprogramming our schedule to selling the building to even planning for our demise. But while I have some ideas, the church will have to start making these decisions I've been making almost exclusively for the last two decades. I will be excited to what happens. I told them the other night that this might be a very uncomfortable time of disruption, and we have to consider whether we are just going to talk about what to do or instead whether we will start marshalling our energy to actually do some of these things.
A few rocky meetings may well come. One issue is how much women can lead in this process in the future. Our congregation has traditionally been male-led, but more than a few women have started challenging this. I hold a middling principle that leadership is generally about 'male-headship BUT Spirit-led', but more important than what we decide is whether we will act in love and charity to those who don't feel as if we do. I fear a few people may leave if they don't get their way on this. This, and many issues, may well cause some stumbles along the way.
I began by saying that I believe that my change of life is about 're-purposing'. While this applies to me in particular, I suppose it now applies to everyone who sets foot in our building. We all have a purpose, but sometimes those purposes in life change as God pushes and prods us by his Spirit to do his will. I feel as if God called me for the purpose of being a preacher and church leader for the past three decades...but now maybe he's got something else in mind. I'm excited to see what this beginning will be.
