A Psalm of Lament: April 11, 2019

I am tired. 
I am tired of helping my daughter with math homework every night and then watch her not understand how to convert a percentage to a decimal. 
I am tired of my son playing video games all the time and then acting offended if we tell him to get off.
I am tired of kids on my school bus who will not sit down. 
I am tired of people defending a President and a political administration who daily lies, cheats, misleads, and ultimately does all these things to boost the interests of the rich at the expense of those in need. 
I am tired of men who think that having five kids with three women shows how much of a 'man' they are. 
I am tired of women who think that true love means letting a man treat them badly. 
I am tired of dysfunctional families in which generation after generation of bad choices never seems to get any better. 
I am tired of people never taking responsibility for their failures.
I am tired of people who think that their bad relationships are always the fault of somebody else. 
I am tired of weather that goes from warm to cold to warm in less time than it takes to use up a tank of gas. 
I am tired of preaching the gospel and listening to people say 'good sermon' and then continue doing the same stupid things again and again. 
I am tired of living in a country which says they believe in one nation under God but then by their lives live as Me-ists. 
I am tired of getting up at 5am each morning to haul other people's kids to school and not getting a chance to say hello to my own. 
I am tired of superhero movies, zombie TV shows, and reality TV shows that have nothing to do with reality. 
I am tired of how this world has given up on any pretense of righteousness. 
I am tired of the loneliness that I feel. 
But Lord, let me trust you.  Let me recognize how good you are.  Let me take my stand on you, no matter tired I am.  You will refresh me, you will show me your love, you will strengthen me to do your will.  Thank you, Lord. 

Lament with a 10-year old.

I had a few people to go visit in this hospital on this Mother's Day, and my 10-year old daughter wanted to come with me, so I let her come.  She has been interested in riding with me on some of my pastoral visits lately.  I'm not entirely sure why...maybe she wants to spend time with me, or get away from her brother, or get out of the house on a rainy Sunday afternoon.  But when she comes with me, she goes into the rooms with me for prayer and visitation.

Today I visited two friends who are not well at all.  One was a man in ICU hooked up to who knows how many tubes and his arms were more bruised than white; he's likely not going to leave the hospital alive.  While I visited with the man's wife she kept coming into and out of the room; it was not a sight that most 10-year olds would understand.  On the way from there to the other hospital I told her about her mom and my's wishes that we never get to that point.  Someday we might be that ill, and she and her brother will have to make some life-or-death decisions, and I told her about my feeling this this is no way to die, that as Christians we have a greater hope in God and so what seems like pointless suffering is not something I want.  She did not say much, but I hope that she understood at least something of what I was trying to say.  Who knows, maybe someday she will be doing work like this and be a greater comfort to the families than I was today.

It grieves me terribly to deal with people I know and love like today; as I have been teaching a class on Biblical lament, recently I wrote a short one of my own.

For My Friends, April 2016

O Lord, who is worthy of praise, who has created us and put within us the very breath of life…

O Lord, why do my friends die so badly?  Why do so many people I care about suffer so much at the end of their lives?  God, I don’t understand how there can be years and years of hurt and anguish in which somebody doesn’t get better.  How do those of us who sing songs about heaven on Sunday live the rest of our lives acting as if holding onto this life is the most important thing? 

O Lord, make dying easier for us because we have faith in you.  Lord, make life something that is truly fulfilling for those who are in their old age.  Lord, make it where my friends are not drugged up, just surviving for the sake of ‘life’.  Lord, make us who call on your name truly live.

O Lord, creator and sustainer of every one of us who call on your name, let the world see that you truly desire to give us life and life to the fullest and so turn to you.  Let doctors and nurses praise you because they can only see your miraculous hand working to give people life.  Let us all depend on you rather than medication or invasive surgery or the things we think are so important. 

O Lord, I know that you are God, even when I can’t always understand why things are the way they are.  May I continue to praise you in good times in bad, in times of happiness and frustration.  You are the giver of all that is good.