Now King David was old and advanced in years. And although they covered him with clothes, he could not get warm. Therefore his servants said to him, "Let a young woman be sought for my lord the king, and let her wait on the king and be in his service. Let her lie in your arms, that my lord the king may be warm." So they sought for a beautiful young woman throughout all the territory of Israel, and found Abishag the Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The young woman was very beautiful, and she was of service to the king and attended to him, but the king knew her not. - 1 Kings 1:1-4 ESV
And Abishag the Shunammite found herself wandering the halls of power. Once she had been just another bubbly blonde on the local cable TV channel, until the day in which she found herself discovered by the king. "Oh, I love the King! He makes my life worth living. I will follow him all of my days!" was the nightly cry of Abishag the Shunammite. The king soon hired her away and put her into his service. Paid a small ransom each month, most of her money went towards making herself attractive to her lord. "You are my everything" she would write to him in small notes each day. "You are the greatest king of all time, and will be greater than anybody else that will come, though I cannot imagine the universe continuing without you!"
Day by day Abishag the Shunammite continued to wedge herself into the old king's life. Her need to be so close to him meant that she would run behind his golf chariot in high heels, and though she was told that there was no room in the limocart taking him back to Mara Slago, she crawled into the trunk to ensure that she could stay near. "My life was incomplete until I met the King. Even if I have no other life now, I at least can devote myself to him."
Her influence continued to increase. One day while fawning at her lord, she smelled something distasteful. The old king has pooped his pants right before a important meeting with the Egyptian pharaoh; his constant diet of fried chicken and diet Coke had finally corrupted his digestive system. How embarrassing, everybody might think. But Abishag the Shunammite knew that one day this would happen. In the suitcase she carried around like a sherpa was another wardrobe for the old king. She quickly pulled him into the bathroom and quickly took off his stained garments. She wiped the waste from his body, sprayed his body down with Fabreze, and diapered him back up in a matter of moments. She then dressed him in an identical blue robe with a matching red turban, and got him back to his meeting on time. "What would the world be without the brilliance of my lord? I am his willing and faithful slave."
Oh, the goodness of Abishag the Shunammite, so ready to serve the interests of the king! May she be praised!
