As I am now in middle age, I know about life. OK, maybe I don't know nearly as much as I think I do...but I do know enough to know stupid living when I see it. And these days, sadly, I see it a lot. I see people, usually younger, but some older people as well, doing things that just make me shake my head. Hundreds of years ago the Darwin effect would have killed these people off rather early, but today our social safety net (a product of Christian charity) enables people to keep on living. Still, just because they live does not mean they live well. And so, as a service to you, I give you a simple life skills quiz.
-1)You are young, have a wife and small child. You need to buy a new vehicle to get to work and take your family around. You don't have much money...what should you do?
a. Buy a sensible used four-door sedan.
b. Buy a fifteen-year old convertible Camaro that sounds like a dying buffalo when running at 40 mph.
c. Buy a brand new Harley on a five-year payment plan, because it's badass.
-2)You and your baby mama are expecting your third child. You recently received your tax refund back. What should you do this weekend?
a. Put a portion of the refund away into savings.
b. The Fourth of July is coming, so load up on fireworks and with whatever's left swing by the liquor store for a few cases of Natty Light.
c. Take your other girlfriend to Vegas for the weekend, even as you tell your baby mama that you have to go see your grandparents.
-3)Your mother has passed away recently. It's the day of the funeral...what do you do?
a. Show up early, greet her friends and family and be thankful for her life.
b. Sleep in, show up late for the funeral, and as you can see everybody waiting for the funeral to begin, stand by your car and smoke another cigarette.
c. Smoke your last stash of pot, show up to the funeral wasted, and get into a fistfight with a cousin who gets into your face about how you are being an embarrassment.
-4)The end of the month comes and you don't have enough money to pay all your bills. What do you do?
a. Sort out what bills are priority and dated first, and pay those; those that you still can't pay, contact them and ask for an extension.
b. Spend your morning calling around to churches and charity agencies asking if they will pay your bill.
c. You still have money in your account, so go and get that new 50" flatscreen at Wal-Mart. Bills will take care of themselves.
-5)Your boss schedules you for an extra shift on Saturday. What do you do?
a. Go to work and be grateful that you have a job and now some extra money.
b. Show up half-drunk and half-interested. They can schedule you, but they don't own you, bro.
c. Quit that stupid job. Getting worked to death is for suckers.
-6)Your child is not doing well in school. What do you do?
a. Work with them to try and help them understand what is going on so they can do better.
b. Blame their teacher for not understanding your little genius, and storm into the principal's office demanding that you get your way.
c. Nothing. True playas don't need school.
-7)Your renewal for your lease is coming up. What do you do?
a. Make sure you have taken care of the property, paid your rent, and talked to your landlord about renewing your lease.
b. Have your cousin show up with his pickup after dark, because you want to get away before your landlord finds out that you put multiple holes in the walls to hide your stash.
c. Start stripping the copper wiring wherever you can, because you gotta get out of there as fast as possible.
SCORES:
a = 10 points
b = 0 points
c = -50 points
Finish with 50 points or higher, and you have chance.
0-50 points: you are an idiot, but you might survive.
Negative figures: Good luck. You'll need it.
