It's the middle of the summer, so that means a)vacation for a lot of people and b)the Supreme Court is handling down a boatload of rulings before they escape the summer heat of DC for a few weeks. It's always an exciting time for court watchers, but this year has been especially important, for in the past few weeks the court has legalized gay marriage nationwide, upheld Obamacare subsidies, made it easier for power companies to pollute, and kept as legal some of the more controversial lethal injection processes used to put to death the worst among us. There's a bunch more they are ruling on, but I don't feel like looking up everything on which they have graced us with their wisdom and/or stupidity.
As you might expect, this has led to a lot of people FREAKING THE CRAP OUT. While most of these issues will rarely affect any of us directly (though, in the case of the court finding the Obamacare subsidies legal, this will save me and my family a ton of money), What This Means For America has become the trending topic of the day.
If you are one of these people who have become irate or overjoyed, then, let me give you a few words of advice as we continue on through summer. It's hot, and I don't want you overheating or dehydrating because you can't take the time to relax and breathe and eat. Once you calm down, you can thank me.
-The apocalypse is not coming because the gays are married or people are getting cheaper health care or polluters feel more like polluting. If it was, the stars really would fall from the sky, the sun would rain down fire, and the moon would turn to blood. Last I looked up, though, this had not happened. But if it does and you have been proven right, you have my permission to spend the rest of eternity telling us how wrong we idiots were.
-These are not the best of times nor the worst of times, nor the darkest of all eras nor the beginning of a new age of enlightenment. Read a little bit of history, people. At least we're not actually shooting at others over a matter of whether it really is good to enslave people with dark skin color. At least the plague is not killing millions even as we are engaged in 'the war to end all wars'. At least rivers aren't on fire. At least the economy is not in shambles and we are wondering whether or not we can afford to ever eat lamb again. Are things perfect? No. But I'd rather live now and here than at most any other time and place of history.
-You are not moving to Canada or Costa Rica or Uganda or Sweden because some people did some things you don't like. Once you calm down, your life is going to go on and you will realize how silly you looked at your threats to leave. You are staying right here, just like everybody else. I know, you feel like America has left you. Wouldn't you be happier in a place in which people were not so environmentally destructive, or where gays were put 'where they belong'? Yes, we all dream of moving to a place in which business is truly free or where human life is respected rather than destroyed. But you're not moving. You wouldn't be able to get ESPN there, would you? Vacation there if you want, but remember, you're still an American.
Look, I'm not saying all this to denigrate what you believe, though I admit I am making fun of you, at least a little bit. Nor am I saying that we shouldn't worry or get upset about bad things happening. But I am saying that in the big picture, these things are really small potatoes. They really are, trust me on this. I know it seems like a big thing now, but in a few weeks you'll be outraged at something different. Some presidential candidate will say something racist or something that goes against party dogma, or another fanatic will shoot up a mall or school or church building, or your football team will try covering up how they shrunk the goal posts to make field goals harder to make. You'll be outraged about those things and have completely forgotten how distraught you were a few weeks earlier. Come back and read this again. Breathe. Realize that it's not worth getting so mad about. Go for a walk and tell God how much he needs to agree with your position. And then come home and hug your kids. You'll get through this.
Now, do we have that straight? Are you ready to calm down and breathe again and stop freaking out? Good. Now, go get me some ice cream. Chocolate chip cookie dough if they have it.
