Yesterday I'm with my family at Wal-Mart and as we are leaving a guy standing outside comes up to my kids and pushes a tootsie roll into their hands. Not one of the little ones, mind you, but one of the three-inch kinds that takes awhile to eat. Now, this guy wasn't like the one at Spangles the other day, an old guy with unkempt beard who came up to Jacob as he was eating ice cream, rubbed his head, and acted like something this side of a child predator. I was about ready to be forcible when he realized we were ignoring him and walked away. The guy at Wal-Mart was just an average everyday guy who was collecting for some charity. Not sure what it was...probably not Salvation Army, as it isn't that time of year yet.
The implication, however, was the same: please give. And by giving my children candy, the plea was all the stronger: I gave candy to your kids, so you ought to give to me (and my charity). In fact, not only ought you to give, you should feel guilty for receiving something and then walking away, you jerk. But we kept walking, and I'm sure he went onto somebody else and eventually collected whatever his quota was for the day.
In this week's Freakonomics podcast (almost always a good listen) they were discussing charity and altruism, the idea that how one asks often determines whether or not one gives. Basically, the two points I took out of the podcast were these: 1)Good-looking blondes have a lot better chance of getting your money than others do, and 2)People are much more likely to give if they think they derive some sort of tangible benefit from giving; in other words, you don't give necessarily to help others, you give in order to help yourself. It makes sense, really...most people are selfish and sexually motivated, so this affects their giving as much as anything else.
So the guy giving my kids tootsie rolls was obviously not an attraction to me, so what else did he have? He had candy for my children. Not a tangible benefit for me (and in fact, long-term, probably a negative, as candy makes them more wound up and less well-behaved), but something that might be thought of good for my loved ones. Shouldn't I then give? Don't I have a real obligation to give?
It's one thing, though, when I have time to think about whether or not this is a good. It's a wholly different thing when somebody forces a their 'gift' (and hence their demand) onto me or somebody else. I probably would have told my children that they didn't need anymore candy, and kept on going. In the end, his actions perhaps made me less likely to give had he simply asked for some money. I still probably would not have given, but I wouldn't have been as annoyed as in the end I was, annoyed enough to sit and write out this blog post.
I try to be generous in my life, but don't tell me that I have to be generous. If you do I'll just keep on walking.
